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Kids Say the Darndest Things

Art Linkletter on The Jack Benny Show

Kids say the darndest things. In the late 1990’s, here in the US, a TV show aired called Kids Say the Darndest Things hosted by Bill Cosby. Folks from my parents generation will remember a regular segment by that title on Art Linkletter’s House Party. The premise of the show is that kids say funny things, and you can capture funny footage by asking children simple questions. On the show, Bill Cosby or Art Linkletter had three or four children on stage. They sat on kid-sized chairs on a raised platform so that the host could walk easily between then and ask them questions. The children invariably said the darndest things much to the amusement of the audience.

Art Linkletter ended each of his shows by interviewing several children. His daily show aired from 1952 to 1970. Millions of Americans tuned in and over the course of his show, he interviewed more than 20,000 children. Kids say the darndest things was the most popular segment of his show and became an American institution.

Bill Cosby speaking at Riverside Church, New York City, in 2010

There were a number of spin off’s of this show: in the UK, Michael Barrymore hosted Kids Say the Funniest Things; in Australia, Andrew Daddo hosted Kidspeak; and Singapore had two similar shows:Kids Talk Back was hosted by Andrew Lim and Gurmit’s Small Talk was hosted by Gurmit Singh. Tammy Wynette even had a country song entitled “Kids Say the Darndest Things” in the early 70’s.

The TV show Kids Say the Darndest Things is no longer on the air, but that doesn’t mean that children today aren’t still saying funny things. Most people have children in their lives, either their own children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews or children of friends and neighbors. You probably even hear funny things kids say in grocery stores. This page is a place to publish funny kid stories.

There is not denying it: funny things kids say make the grownups around them laugh. It may be some funny sayings that your child uses, or a child’s imperfect understanding of the world, or an unexpected combination of words as your young one learns his native language.

Kids Say the Darndest Things: Tell your story

It's your turn to be Bill Cosby--or, if you prefer, Art Linkletter. Interview your kids and you'll find that kids say the darndest things. Or, if you prefer, share your funny stories about their expressions as they have learned the language. Click on the question marks below for more instructions on how to submit your kid's funny sayings and your funny kid pictures.

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Other Kids Saying the Darndest Things

Click below to read more funny kid stories...

Funny Dictionary 
Funny definitions and mispronunciations from my kids: Rubberbam = Rubber-band -- Eli, age 2 Nigrating (rhymes with migrating) = "Nigrating means …

What do you want to be when you grow up 
The kindergarteners of South East Iowa speak up. The newspaper published the aspirations of Creston children and surrounding communities. Here are the …

A visit to the "meet" market 
Just this morning Olivia, my eight-year-old, and I were at the grocery store. She noticed that a boy and his dad were following the same path through …

Click here to write your own.

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Leslie's Funny Kid Stories

Having two preschoolers at home has provided me with ample opportunities to hear kids saying the darnest things. Here are three examples from my older son.

Funny Kid Stories

One evening when he was about three, we were trying to put him to bed, he needed to go to the bathroom. Again, and again, and again. On one visit to the bathroom, he noticed his dad's deodorant. He said, "I want some of dat. I need some deodorant." Then, pointing to his underarm. "I'm a little rusty."


When he was about three and a half, his favorite neighbor playmate was grounded. Each day, he asked if his friend was coming over, and each day, I'd remind him that the boy was grounded and couldn't come over until next week. Finally, at the end of the week, he asks me, "Mom are you going to grind me?"

"No, I'm not going to grind you."

"Am I going to be grinded?"

"No, you're not going to be grinded."


One last one, on the way home from grampa's house one Sunday, my husband had rolled my son's window down. He rolled it up as we were getting on the highway. My son complained vociferously saying that he wanted it down. I explained that it would be too windy on the highway with the window down. My husband said, "It would blow your teeth right out of your head."

My son thought about that for a minute then replied, "My teeth are placed into my mouth with special mortar."

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